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Rab ne bana di jodi! Really?

Updated: Dec 7, 2022

While the world believes in the institution of marriage, let me present to you another side of the story!

Being a psychologist, I sometimes know it all. The things that are never talked about in the open. The secret pain of this bondage they “have to” get through because of the societal contract they pledged in the form of marriages. Not only in this life but in all seven lives!!!! But they find themselves in miserable states. Women have inner conflicts where they can witness their potential fading just because they have to fulfill the societal given gender role and how they are expected to perform. Everyone knows not everyone is the same, but the roles and expectations are the same throughout.

My parents were married successfully for 38 years. Woah!!! Five times than many relationships tenure. Why? As a psychologist, I concluded that both were happy in their roles. My mom was okay with being a submissive partner where she didn’t have to bear worldly affairs. My dad was delighted to be the dominant one where he could have control of worldly affairs. Sophisticated because my parents had their world, and there was very minute interference from the outside. And when the interference increased even slightly, our world would go through a storm. This storm immediately subsided with the interference leaving our planet. But this created a distorted image for me of marriage. A marriage where two make their world without interference. But does this work in this generation? Today when you marry a guy, he has his distorted image of marriage, learned through observation from his parent’s partnership. And bang!!! The two images clashed and broke. Isn’t it obvious?

Also, today gender roles are fluid. Maybe expectations are rigid, but the parts we assume for ourselves are liquid. Women coming out of four walls and efficiently committing themselves to create their separate identities resulted in the world becoming a small village, accessible knowledge, and other factors. The conventional roles got distorted in their minds, as “providing “is not the role played by only males anymore. The dependency structure has collapsed. The system now stands on wants, not needs. And hence the institution of marriage, which still stands on need structure, is no more working.

But wait. It will still be relevant. We, especially in our culture, cannot give up on this institution. It’s not in our blood to reject marriage as part of our life cycle. It offers more than it takes away, especially for the next generation. The solution is to revamp the structure, the roles, the expectations, and interaction patterns, and voila! You have a beautiful connection to another human, which creates a beautiful life.

Youngsters going through the phase where they are confused to get married or not are also struggling internally and craving for the beautiful connection it offers.

Next article, we will work on what this new structure can be. Stay Tuned.

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